Why Romney will be the Republican nominee

I haven't posted in nearly a year, and it seems really stupid to re-enter the blogging fray this way. But all of the pundits are completely wrong about Mitt Romney. There is no horse race. Mitt Romney will definitely win the Republican nomination, and here is why:

Despite the 24-hour coffin coverage at President Reagan's funeral, Mitt Romney somehow managed to steal Ronald Reagan's hair.

The few remaining Republican voters, now accustomed to accepting outright lies from members of their party, will not care what Romney believes, since he doesn't either. Romney already has the only asset he needs to win... the Glorious Gipper's mesmerizing toupee.